Compromise

Before I do anything, let me say something to Carrie and anyone else out there who thinks Janice got the drop on me. No one is funnier than I am! I try to have a serious moment and everyone assumes that I’ve lost my edge. Well, be warned. One day, I won’t be around to make you laugh. You’ll have to stay up for Jay Leno, or, God forbid, Conan O’Brien. Then, you’ll be all bleary-eyed (yes, that’s a word) in the morning at work. Wouldn’t that suck? Now that I got that off my chest…

My wife has often commented that we don’t talk enough. At least, I think that’s what she’s saying. I’m not usually listening. Anyway, she says we don’t communicate. In a way, I guess she’s right. I try to talk about stuff I like—football, video games, soccer, David Beckam, and the like.

When I get on one of my topics, she doesn’t even feign interest. She just rolls her eyes at me. I criticize her and make her feel small for not liking the things I like, and I won’t talk to her for a few hours or days. It’s pretty standard marriage stuff really.

Well, I think (or, thought) I had found a common language: books. Everyone can read. We may not like the same books, but we can bite the bullet once in a while. So we don’t have a lot in common. It’s not the end of the world. We can find some common ground. Let’s read a bit, shall we? We can read the book. Then, we can talk about it. Hence, we have the communication that’s lacking, and it’s something that, at least marginally, interests me.

I came up with some ideas. I got her to buy a copy of She’s Come Undone, by Wally Lamb. I’ve never read it. I can’t imagine I ever would, but I was prepared to suck it up. She didn’t touch it. Then, I turned to The Da Vinci Code. I’ve read it. It was a good story. Who the hell hasn’t read the freaking Da Vinci Code? Well, my wife, for one. She tried and got through like ten pages.

I’m a bit confused about how to feel. The English teacher is enraged. The husband in me is frustrated. The video game player is happy that there’s one less thing for me to have to talk about and take time from my games.

So, ladies, I implore you, if you have to talk with your husbands, try to do something they like once in a while. Go fishing. Listen to the stories about their golf game. Dress up like a school girl and sing the lollipop song. Compromise: it’s the foundation of a successful marriage. If you do what your husband wants once in a while, he’ll be more likely to do what you want, or, at the very least, leave you the hell alone.

Chris