5 Items

Let me begin by saying that I’ve done this five things thing before. But, like most successful marriages. Ours is one of repetition and routine.

5 Items in my fridge:
1. Porn. It’s a good place to hide it because my wife never looks there.
2. Beer. It’s always the bad beer. If it were the good stuff it wouldn’t be there anymore.
3. I think it’s a cat in a plastic bowl now. I can’t actually identify it anymore.
4. Money. Also hidden from my wife.
5. My self-esteem. And, every time she yells at me, I eat a little to replace what I lost.

5 Items in my closet:
1. Porn. This is the decoy porn. She knows that stash is there.
2. Giant bucket of change. This is probably the scariest thing in my closet because it’s something my dad would do. I am afraid of becoming my father.
3. Clothes that don’t fit. Refer to the #5 thing in the refrigerator.
4. Stuff that needs dry cleaning. I figure if I can’t wear it, why clean it?
5. Something random. It’s the place where stuff goes when we have company, so, really, God knows.

5 Items in my car:
1. Mountain Dew bottles. It really give the car a nice urine-colored glow.
2. Golf clubs. I don’t know why I have them. It’s like hitting the ground with a snow shovel. Nothing happens when I hit the ball, but I do it anyway.
3. The radio. The only true friend I have in the world anymore. It’s pretty much where I get all of my information and about 98% of the things I blog about.
4. My DVD set of the first season of the OC. Hey, you never know when I’ll need to barter with a teenaged homosexual.
5. Kiefer Sutherland. I use him when I need to yell at people. I’m just too calm.

5 Items in my purse (yes, yes, I know, but I can come up with something):
1. First off, it’s not really a purse. It’s more of a backpack.
2. And, so what if I do carry a purse. What’s it to you?
3. You want a piece of me?
4. Why don’t we take this outside?
5. Just don’t hit me in the face. I’m too pretty.

Alright, so, I’ve read over mine and my wife’s five things, and I’ve realized how little I take seriously. On the other hand, what do I care? This is silly. I’m going to find some bad beer and watch the OC in my car.

Chris

(Note: Ha! I found a picture of a cat in a bowl. Betcha didn't think I could. Amazing what you can find on Google.)