Active Ignorance

Being an English teacher, I am familiar with the term “Active Reading.” Basically, it’s reading for information. You know, paying attention to what you read. Being a student of society, I am familiar with the term “Active Listening.” That’s where you pay attention to what people say, nod at them, repeat what they. It makes them feel special, and it makes them trust you.

Being a husband, I have developed my own technique for coping with marriage and making my wife feel special. I call it “Active Ignorance.” I want my wife to be the smartest, most capable member of the household. I want her to feel superior to me in every way. Therefore, I am ignorant of everything around me. (This may or may not include her.)

Hence, I have ignored her comments regarding my “refusal” to assist her in cleaning the child. Thus, I don’t make her feel as though she were degrading me. I don’t want her to feel guilty about making fun of me in front of others, even though it is a shameless act perpetrated by someone who has no regard for her spouse’s feelings.

Active ignorance is more than just playing dumb. It also involves not hearing things. I have developed an uncanny ability to ignore everything my wife says that I don’t want to hear. Some people call it “Selective Hearing,” but it is much more refined.

Active ignorance is the ability to screen what you want and don’t want to hear. Most husbands over the years have mastered this portion of active ignorance. And, when in doubt, most men with female companions just ignore everything.

There are tools to assist active ignorance. Video games, television, the computer, even books (God forbid) are exceptional ways to hear as little as possible. One develops a unique approach to active ignorance. Key words are great clues to items to which men should listen. If your significant other mentions any food words, words about electronics, or, if there are any references to other women, the man should listen. If one hears “family,” “shoes,” or anything regarding work. Tune right out.

What is the ultimate goal of active ignorance? To be honest, I don’t really know. Nothing actually seems to change. I suppose, I am ultimately desensitizing myself to my wife’s hazing, while, at the same time, training her not to bother me with mundane issues like the grass needing mowing or the house being on fire.

Please ask if you would like further instruction on active ignorance. It requires very little practice and little more innate ability than a Y chromosome delivered at conception.

Chris

(Note: Pictured is the cover of the latest medium specifically designed to assist active ignorance.)